My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize