do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
