Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
