yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
