we have pet lesbian snakes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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