Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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