I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
