I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
