His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
