On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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