Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just puked most of my soul out..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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