well I can't set my house on fire every night
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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