I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
