I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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