Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
