so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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