I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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