Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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