why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
