btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
