she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize