Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
