Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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