Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
