The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
