You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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