if you like me you must not know who I am
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize