He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
