In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
