i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
