just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
