Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He passed out mid-signature
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
