he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
