dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And then he peed in my hair
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