Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
