We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
