i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
