Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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