he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
