here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
