So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
