Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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