if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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