I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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