So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize