you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
