I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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