My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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