If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
