every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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