Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
