help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
