I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
