just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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