I am in a vortex of obligation.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Randomize
