I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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