You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
