You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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