she woke up with a sticky ear
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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