i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
where are my eyebrows?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
