i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
