ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
