I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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