You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
