party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
