I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
