No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
