marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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