go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize