I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
