Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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