loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
