belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
