Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
