I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
